I arrived at our house prolly by 5pm on a Saturday. It sucks knowing that I only have one day for me to stay. I decided to text Pudge due to some reason I cannot tell you (please haha). I wanted to go out for coffee & I asked him if he could give me a ride. After a few minutes, he already texted me, "Labas ka na". I wasn’t holding my phone so I read it late. He had sent me another text message saying, "Matagal pa?”.
You see, I believe that the universe had worked its powers during that time because as I went out, Pudge was already waiting outside. I hopped inside his car and we took off. I was searching for Closing Time in his audio player that contains hundreds of songs. The song was very difficult to find so my focus was on the audio player and not on the road. As we reached the Crossing Mendez intersection, Pudge said, “Oh, masaya ka na?”. I was clueless why he said that until I laid my eyes on the road. There was a white fucking R8 right in front of us. And of course, my initial reaction was that I went berserk. I was punching Pudge, which was quite normal whenever I see an Audi. The timing was extremely perfect. Can you imagine what would happen if I didn’t go out late? I wouldn’t be able to see such a magnificent thing.
By the time we reached the coffee house, Pudge immediately looked for a table and I was the one who ordered. My favorite coffee is Peppermint Mocha. But since I was with Pudge, I reconsidered. I was holding the coffee and Pudge asked what coffee was it. I said, with all of my conviction, “Yung favorite mo, Toffee Nut Latte”. And he said, “Ulol, Dark Cherry Mocha kaya”. And that is when it hit me. He’s right. I was wrong. I forgot that the one who liked the TNL so much was Sam! That moment made me miss Sam since we were usually a trio coffee buddies before. Sam’s in Manila cos he still had his classes. I hope we could hang out soon, though!
And so there we were, sharing a cup of coffee that the both of us don’t actually like. We had random conversations. It was fine until something came up. Then it made me realize that it was a wrong idea to hang out with your ex, alone, especially if the two of you haven’t talked about your relationship that clearly. What we have between us is really really complicated. We wanted to make ourselves clear about what is going on but every time we try to talk, it would take us prolly three days and still, we wouldn’t have anything to be concluded. And that is when I realized that we hated ‘the talk’ as much as Robin and Barney hate it. Everything suddenly became eerie. We were just sitting there together and not talking. Just sitting, puffing, sipping, and staring. And that is when we decided to go already.
I must admit, I’m not in my usual self these past few weeks. My life has been put up to the extremes in a way that there are days I think too much and there are days I don’t think properly at all.
Whenever I’m attending my classes, I mostly hear words but never understand them a bit. And it sucks because I really had a great vision to start things right over this second semester. It’s been three weeks since it started and I am still not doing any well. I had wasted a lot of time just lying in my bed and watching series and films. I seldom go out with friends unlike what I used to do. You will never know how many times I attempted to blog and write down all these feelings but all I ever got were unfinished entries like:
"I’m fine already", I said to myself. Well at least that’s what I said. Actually, I really was. But not until people started to gush and insist that I am not; like they are the ones who control my hypothalamus or something, but in the end, I let them anyway. I don’t get it why they’d always bring him up to our conversations & then whenever I’d start to talk about him, they’d get anxious because they really want me to move on with my life. Cmon, why not just stop reminding me about him so that we could all move on? I’m practically ok and used to not being with him already. Unlike before wherein I couldn’t imagine what would I do without him yaddah yaddah
Here’s another thing - I hate it whenever he, himself, gives hints that leave me but confusion.
I saw him today.
I was walking my way out of the university this morning along with my guy friend to kill time at Antonio Street, yknow. As I stride towards the gate, I blurredly saw a familiar stand that walked through. I squeezed my eyes and took a little good look to figure out who was it, and to my surprise, it was him. His face was kinda grungy when he entered the campus, like he was irritated or something. And my pace somewhat turned a little slow as I looked at him. And he was looking at me, too. You see, it’s the first time we meet, again. I waved at him, and smiled a little. And from him grumpy face, he smiled, too. I hate it when he does that! I swear, it’s my weakness.
I can see so clearly now that I am presently forming and evolving this superficial feeling for a certain guy I didn’t expected than I’d have a crush with. I cannot see myself, to tell you honestly, having these gooey feelings for a boy before because 1.) I don’t simply use the word crush to describe a state of mind and 2.) I really find it cheesy and absurd.
YOU SEE, EVERYTHING HERE IS UNFINISHED
Hate is a strong word but I really really don’t like what’s happening to me right now. My feelings were never consistent. Today, I’m desperately sad & then tomorrow, I’ll be happy again. And right now, I’m starting to feel lazy about finishing this post so I’ll just stop… right.. now.
The awkward hand touch, the way you make that one arm dangle more than the other.. That’s the most awkward, yet most adorable time. It’s when you just wait for one to actually grab the other’s hand. It’s simple, yet it’s perfect.
photo diary 10.08.2012 (pt.3 and luckily the last one hehee)
Photo diary 10.8.2012 (pt.2)
Photo diary 10.8.2012
1. you always look classy even if you’re just in shirts and jeans!
Thank you! :) Actually, that’s what I usually wear. Shirts and either jeans or shorts. The basics!
2. You’re soooo beautiful inside & out & I love you for that :-* And your planner is so frustratingly creative, nahiya planner ko. :| =)) I wuv you eiei :-**
Omg, kahit you asked anonymously, I know this is you Pat! I wuff you too! :-*
3. mahilig ka ba sa K-Pop music?
4. Kailan mo plano magkaboyfriend ulit?
I don’t know. I don’t even plan these things, I just want everything to be spontaneous, yknow. Though, having one right now may not work since I’m always busy.
5. can you suggest places where you can eat in ust?
Uhm unfortunately, there are only a few restaurants near UST unlike in Katipunan or Taft cos they are outnumbered by milk tea shops mostly. You can always go to UST carpark. :) or if you’re saving money, I eat at U Steak / Dim sum Treats at the Pacific, Ilars in Lacson Street, Steaks 101 in Dapitan, and the never ending 35pesos worth of liempo and rice in Antonio Street!
6. post ka pa ng videos :)
HAHA I’ll try
7. chx ka talaga!
8. can we be friends? :)
sure but don’t go anonymous dear! ;)
Hehe, guys :( I’m so sorry. Some of the asks here are already outdated (like asks from August pa)! Haha, busy busy bee.